I'm having a tough time. How about you? Only not so much with the readings or the commitments to consecration. For me, it's more the management of every day life. Trying to uphold all of the standards that I believe I should, make the sacrifices (joyfully) that I should, and having Joyful Hope about the future that I should.
I'm too wrapped up in "should". And then all these little things--the time change, minor irritations, not enough sleep, spring colds, wanting to eat too much of the wrong food, not wanting to be restrained by Lenten disciplines I set forth, worrying that I haven't done "enough"-- they set in and wear down my resolve, and I find my inertia starts to lag.
I don't think it is supposed to be about "enough". We aren't supposed to compare ourselves to anyone, or wallow in feelings that we just don't measure up, so why even bother. But neither are we supposed to give up. A friend shared in a group discussion once, "I think it's the getting back up and trying, and wanting to do better, that is the key. That counts for something. That pleases God."
Today's talk that you will hear from Father Gaitely is inspiring for me too. He talks about the very real ness of those periods of doldrums, and how in his life, he realized that he was feeling the absence of Mary and her consolations because she was where she belonged--behind him, pushing him towards her son in the Divine Mercy, rather than drawing attention to herself. I wonder if we sometimes have a difficulty with consecration through Mary because in her humility, she isn't naturally drawing a whole lot of attention? St Louis talks about that a good bit in his book.
I don't feel Mary pushing me, but neither did Fr, Gaitely at the time. But I do have the desire to do better. Essentially, I WANT to get closer to the Heart of Jesus. And I hope that in the long run, those paltry efforts will bear some kind of fruit (with Mary's help perfecting and augmenting them along the way, of course) no matter how imperfect my attitude is as I drudge through some of the days.